I’ve never been that girl.
That girl who comes out in a relationship and instantly finds herself in another.. effortlessly like it’s destiny..
I guess I’m never destined to be that girl.
that girl who never stops having people confessed their unyielding love for them.
that girl who can’t stop talking about how pretty they are.
that girl who can get a guy buy her a drink all in a smack of her patent leather soft lips and a little hair flip, effortlessly like it’s destiny..
I guess I’m never destined to be that girl
that girl who can flirt properly
that girl who puts her make up flawlessly
that girl who can post a picture in her instagram and not find a million insecurity lurking at the tips of her finger as she presses the share button..
and I know things shouldn’t define my femininity but they do.
I feel like the lack of male attention in this world is seen as an abnormality and less than womanly and I’m always force to ask myself what’s wrong with me?
maybe it’s because I was never destined to be that girl.
maybe it’s because I was destined to be something more..
That girl who just lives her life and love herself and doesn’t rely on male attention to make herself feel alright
that girl who knows what she wants and fights until it’s hers..
that girl that in the end of the day who just say FUCK IT.
I wanna be That girl.
Every time we are put to the test; into a situation that seems so hopeless or when you feel like you are being set up to lose.. Us humans has this attitude of always focusing on the negative things (I know I do.. ) as if we fell into this abyss and it’s impossible to climb your way out.
But there’s always a way out, there’s always hope and sometimes you just have to hit harder to give things a little crack to let the light find it’s way. “It ain’t easy but it’s possible” is what I always tell myself.
In a raging storm we only tends to see the hardships, the struggles and the things that scares us.. but little do we realize that the storm is something we needed in life for us to be stronger and little do people know.. that storm that felt like destroyed us; it might have destroyed us but it also made us…. CLEAN.
I have done a lot of wrong things in life especially in my early adulthood, but I really wouldn’t say it’s that bad because I’m neither in jail or dead. Lol. but anyways I’ve done a lot of shitty decision that I wanted to say I regret but there’s no use to that so I guess I just learned from it.. from having shitty boyfriend who made me feel so insecure about myself to tactless spending of my savings and all those.. So, I made a list of things that I would like to tell the younger me if I had the chance..
- It’s okay to like different things.
I remember way back in high school I would always find out what people wants and I would just watch the shows they are into even if I feel like the show is a total cliche and for shithead, I would still endure watching even thought I’m dying to watch “how I met your mother” or a bunch animes.. I was so into the idea of blending in and being with “in crowd” which I found out that it’s a total bullshit. I am into video games, card duels and comic books and for a very long time I hid it because I thought I was being such a loser but then mehh whatever..as I age.. let’s say 18 years old. I still had this habit of trying to blend in with what people does and because that’s what I thought was the right thing so, when I had my first love with a 38 year old guy, I was hiding it because I was ashamed which it was love at that moment for me and I shouldn’t have been hiding it for the world to see.. so yup! just fuck it and do what you fucking like.
- You don’t owe people anything.
I remember there is this guy who was being so polite and nice to me and all like taking me home and buying me dinner.. to the point where he would even take me shopping and then after a couple days he was asking me for SEX.. wherein I thought at that time that I was obliged to have sex with him because of what happened, thank God I refused..You also don’t have to bang a dude just because it was what was expected. Walking away is easy. And if a guy touches you in your sleep and you wake up during the assault, don’t lie there silently (pretending to be asleep) after pushing him off. Get the fuck up and “show him” that what he did is not okay.
Basically: don’t kiss, don’t boink if you’re not feeling it.
- Learn to forgive.
Often times when someone do me wrong, I just tend to block them out and never talk to them again, but it shouldn’t be like that.. As I grew older I realized that people makes mistakes and they should be forgiven when they ask for it in the most genuine way.. All of us do make things that we regret and agonized over and in my case I realized that if I did something wrong and that person really meant something to me then I would really like to be forgiven as well.there! Hahaha, I don’t want to go all crazy with the listings since I can no longer tell the younger version of myself this but I think I learned my lesson and that’s what’s important.
I’ve always wanted to post a blog but lately, I have been very busy and I won’t talk about it much and I’d just rather make a different post of that but for now here is a 10 list of things I genuinely wished I knew earlier in life..
- be very grateful, even when things are tough.
- It is okay to be hurt and to get your heart broken.. that’s what makes us strong. (and this is based on my experience trust me!)
- There’s more to people than their physical appearance. Stop making harsh judgements based on it and don’t write off someone just because they don’t meet your dumb beauty standards.
- MAC lipsticks is everything.
- I know this sounds cliche but.. believe and follow your dreams.
- Don’t take crap from people who insult you to your face, no matter how much more socially powerful they are than you.
- No matter how hard you try.. if a guy doesn’t love you, Chances are he never will.
- It’s bad juju to hold on to things that no longer work or no longer bring you joy
- There’s nothing shameful about you or your past. People will try to keep you chained to who you were 5, 10, 15 years ago because they can’t accept or stand the fact that people grow, or don’t like what you have become. These people don’t matter.
- be the kind of person you needed when you were growing up.
I guess we can never be so sure of anything and with love it doesn’t really get easier.. but as you grow older and fail about 2 or 3 relationships already, things gets a little easier to spot. LOVE IS A RUTHLESS GAME UNLESS YOU PLAY IT GOOD AND RIGHT. And here I am and about to give you some alexa realness (lol jk) but I’m telling you to follow my signs on your own risk. Wink*
- His parents and homies should know who you are. that is actually one way you know that he is making you exclusive and that if he brought you home to meet his mama then he is pretty serious about you.
- You don’t feel like listening to taylor swift’s break-up song. that’s right, let’s all admit that most of the time we listen to taylor swift’s songs is because she makes them so relatable with her catchy tunes and really witty lyrics. So, if your boy makes you only want to listen to songs that makes you feel good to be in love.. then sweetie you are in good hands.
- You don’t feel the need to check up on his phone and lurk on his social media. this is probably my favorite signs that I follow.. I mean, If you do not feel the need to go apeshit bananas on his social media then he is probably doing such a good job making sure that you are loved and secured.
- Being with him don’t make you feel insecure with your flaws. if he makes you feel literally like a princess.. then outta girl he is a keeper.
I know it’s pretty short but for me Love should just be as simple as a 4 signs. It shouldn’t be a game and it should be fun and healthy.
Hi guys! It’s been a long time since I have done one of these favorite of the month blog posts! but yeah, I missed it so,I guess I’m just gonna go ahead and do it!
first on the list is my
- Kraken pro razer headset.. I know when I first got it I was saying to myself how waste of a money it is but honestly.. it’s not that bad and actually kind of stylish! but given a chance I wouldn’t re-buy this product again!
2. MAC Pure zen – I am obsessed with this! I currently have 3 MAC lipsticks and these are ruby woo, viva glam, and pure zen and to be honest I’m sooo obsessed with it but this one is my fave because I can wear it anywhere! literally anywhere! 🙂 I love it.. it’s a nudeish kinda of pink perfect if I wanted to do really heavy make up on my eye, it kinda of neutralizes my face from all the smokey shadow in my eyes that I have been doing lately.
3. Keds limited edition taylor swift – yasssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssss!
shake it off shake it off! woo hoo hoo~ honestly though I am obsessed with these and I immediately bought it after I saw it like I’m not even waiting for it to gone out of stock because giiiiiiiiiiiiiiiirl! this is from my girl tay tay! I’m such a big taylor swift fan and I loved these so much.
hmm.. I guess these are only the few favorite of mine on the month of october and how about you guys? do you have any favorites that you would like me to post or make a review? 🙂
I wonder what it feels like to feel genuinely beautiful.
I wonder if my life would have been easier if I was one of those pretty girls.
I wonder what it would be like to be loved by the people we cared about and not in the way they needed us.
It seems as if everyone’s ideal of me is in me not being me: 10 pounds heavier, four inches longer–curvier with less in the cheeks, more definition of the jaw. It seems as if everyone’s ideal of me was the frail, lithe girl that existed within the confines of her own depression. The me that fought to eat because I fought to understand why I would want to sustain an existence I did not want; a body I no longer wished to house.
people insisted so much shit in me that the way I looked at life changed drastically and now I don’t even know myself..
All I ever wanted in life is to be loved. to be needed. to be wanted and to want to live.
I think the reality is that I would rather be beautiful in the heart and healthy in the soul. To allow myself to no longer worry about if I was beautiful to anyone else except me.
I think the reality is that it’s all unbelievably bullshit: the idea that I am supposed to exist for anyone other than me.
I hate the fact that I care so much of what people think of me and what I needed to do to please them wherein I know deep down in my very core I would never be able to please anyone.
well, lately a LOT of things happened to me and I just want to make a quick update on this blog..
– I believed I have mention in my other blog posts that I have my own place now and I still live here currently.. still a little uncomfortable but I’m still making it (hehe)
– I have been into shopping lately! I mean who doesn’t like to shop everyone does hehe! gimme a break :3
– I am now a brand ambassadress for mig.me! search it up 🙂 it’s really a cool app! and I have the most amazing team and a really nice boss.
– I have been a little crazy rocking back and forth with my feelings but I think I got it all figured it out..
– been playing less league of legends.
– I do plan on going to back to tekken since tekken 7 has gotten released lately.
– well, I made up with my friends! I mean I knew sooner or later I would because I genuinely love and care for me.
– I have been eating a lot of good food lately nyyuuum!
– been rethinking about my life choices lately..
– I also finally gathered the courage I needed to get a tattoo! yay!
– reunited with my old buddies.
– been playing a lot of pokemon omega ruby and harvest moon.
I can go all daaaaaaaaaaaay! with the list but I just really wanted to give you guys a heads up as to what has been happening to me lately! yayy~
My family and I decided to go to a mall to just bond and shop together and we were supposed to go out at precisely 11 am and sadly I woke up at 10 am! so, I needed to rush and I didn’t any make up on! and I don’t know but I’m kinda feeling my face and skin in here.
So, then we decided to eat at mary grace because they wanted pasta! and this is what I ate, I orderer aFilibeef sandwhich , strawberry shake, and chocolate mousse cake (because Obviously I have no chill! LOLOLOL) it was actually good and my sister ordered spaghetti and I’m not sure what it’s called (Lol I’m such a bad food blogger haha!) sorry, I’m not really good at remembering fancy food names~ but yeah, I tasted my sister’s pasta and meatballs and it was surprisingly good considering that it’s italian and I’m not really big into that.. but Mary grace is suuuch a good place to get italian food and has a really good ambiance to it.
here are a handful of alexa things! well actually just my way of making “shits about me” fancy.. (huehue)
– My phone needs to be always in my hand! (I have an iphone 6) even if I don’t have anything particular to do with it I still always have it in my hand.. And not to mention always be online.
– it has been years and I’m still obsessed with taylor swift!
– I love buying things on bargained price (yeahhhh ’cause I’m a cheapskate like that)
– I’m very emotional and maybe because of my
hormone oops naah. I’m just really a melodramatic fool
– even if the food isn’t good I’d still eat it because I really really really! don’t like wasting food. I MEAN COME ON MAN! THINK ABOUT THOSE KIDS IN AFRICA.. lol. kidding aside I really just don’t like wasting anything.
– I hate mainstream music. It makes me want to punch a
baby fully grown man.
– I am a very strong independent woman.
– I get stressed when other people take my picture. Selfies are safe because they’re controlled and I know my best angles (and I also get to decide which ones get posted online) but I always worry when it’s someone else’s camera pointed at me. I know I’m not the only one!
these are just some and well.. actually what’s currently on my mind and I can think off! Thank you for reading and visiting my blog (suuuch a lame way to end this blogpost but meeehhh )