Dad and Daydreams.

 

It’s 2:19 a.m (ph time) and I’m trying to hold my tears from falling as I think of my him and to be perfectly honest, I couldn’t think of a better timing to write this than now.. where all my thoughts are raw and just dancing harmonically with my emotions.

I didn’t know why I’ve always felt like I was abandoned by my parents..

I don’t know when I started to forgive you; or how I finished forgiving you. I think it may have been inbetween the daydreams of having my own daughter and the nightmares of being yours, but you’re still all I can talk about. The difference is that it’s now with a smile and I can’t remember when it started.

Was I ever a good daughter? What does it take to be one..

 

he never really needed to answer that.

 

..but it gets me thinking.. more like it gets me crying every time. Every fucking time.

 

I dreamed that one day we can have a walk in the beach just the two of us under the sunset and maybe tell me that you are proud of me..

or

I looked as pretty as my mother..

or that you wanted to see my walk down the isle or better yet walk me down the isle to the man I’d spend the rest of my life with and I’ll see your face glowing and with a smile I’d never forget and you engraved in your mind that you are happy that I finally found my happy ending..

 

A girl can dream right?

 

I hope one day you finally get to look me in the eye and tell me how much you love me and give me a hug I’ve been longing for years.

You raised me to understand that this world is cruel.

I am twenty-two, now: and there’s nothing for you to be frightened for.

I am twenty-two, now: and I became everything you fucking despised.

I am twenty-two, now: and you don’t know how to love me because you weren’t prepared for me to survive.

 

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