For all the wrong reason.

Sometimes my heart hurts so much my head sympathizes.

Remembering myself and how I used to be a couple of years ago..

 

5 years ago, I was desperately looking for love. “I am pretty now and guys notices me..” what could go wrong right?

4 years ago, I met the man I thought I was gonna spend my whole life with, which turned out to abuse me emotionally and eventually physically,

3 years ago, I finally gathered the strength to broke up with him, thinking about it now.. I wonder why I held on to something that was slowly killing me everyday. I held on to someone who made me feel like I was never good enough, made me feel like I’m in a competition.. Someone who made me feel scared to fall in love..

 

2 years ago, I woke up with 38 miss calls. I can still remember vividly from my memories the exact details..  He called me up once again to break me like a promise. He proposed to me, He knew my weakness was oh-so-majestic-happy-ever-fucking-after-fairytale-ending and so, he used it against me..

I slowly knew the kind of girl he wanted.. He wanted cool girl and for him I was willing to try.. I was FUCKING GAME.

I worked so hard.. I did shoots, I did web shows, I cosplayed, I did well in all the aspects he wanted..

I became affiliated with wargods and eventually becoming an ambassadress for mig.me

..and just now I realize how I changed and morphed into something I hated..

and the only question going on my fucking mind was.. “why did I fucking let this happened’

a year ago, He pulled out on our engagement..  I guess the jokes are on me once again, and after all the punches that felt like kisses and all the “sorry’s” that could have been “I love you’s”.  when will I ever learn.

 

It is hard.. to be single and alone but what’s more hard is to experiences false security of love because you were fucking desperate and deep down to you core you knew you deserved more but you are wiling to settle..

..being single can sometimes be lonely but trust me being single is way better than being stuck in relationship and having someone and still feeling alone.

 

xo, Alexa

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